This has been an interesting few weeks. Together with the Oslo job offer, I’ve been reconsidering my life. Today is Yom Kippur, and I’ve taken the day off to do additional contemplation. I have a few choices in front of me, and I’m trying to determine what, if anything, I should be doing with my life to make myself happier.

As a side note, should happiness be the measure you use to make your decision? As you’ve read in a few articles happiness is not a good measurement because it is a terribly relevant calculation. There is no empirical happiness. Something may make you happier for a short time and then fall into background noise. You have to be careful. This is generalized by the cliché, “The grass is always greener in the neighbor’s yard.” In your calculations, you need to keep this in mind. The right answer doesn’t, perhaps, maximize happiness. It maximizes purpose. The goal being, when you look back, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something that is important to you. That reflection would increase happiness regardless of how you feel about what it is you’re actually doing. Or something like that.

That was a bit off topic. So will this be: I’ve given up computer games thanks to a rather insightful discussion I had a while ago with my yellow pad about its meaning to me. I’ve done it before, but I think it’s time to do it again: this time, I need to give up television. I pretend like I learn a lot from television, but for the most part, I don’t. You can apply this to everything you do, even reading. Let’s focus on a comparison between reading and television watching. Out of the two, the NY Times magazine articles clearly teach me more about the world than any show on television. The same can be said about Scientific America versus the Discovery channel. Perhaps the only channel that I receive benefit from is FoodTV when it comes to learning. When it comes to entertainment, there’s certainly a difference. Television (and to a lesser extent) literature can move me—make me feel emotions, which I like. And both can certainly pass the time. As I learned by trying to listen to music, passing time is not the same as enjoying time.

So what is it that television is giving you besides killing time? Not much. Even the entertainment shows equate to killing time. The numbers of discussions about television I have with other people are not substantial. I have interesting conversations with Eileen about them, but I can find other things to discuss with her besides television. The only thing keeping from the ultimate decision is figuring out what I’m going to do with the rest of my free time. That was my problem yesterday night. I was sitting around trying to determine what I can do besides watch television. And, not surprisingly, I found nothing to do. I ended up at the same place: having nothing to do so I turned on the television. That’s what I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to avoid.

So boredom, or ennui to use a GRE word, is what’s keeping me scotch taped to the tube. I could think and write instead of watch television. What would I write or think about? Great question. It’s a habit you should get into. Or you can even work instead of watch television. Television is the same as music and video games: you use it to kill time. But time is too precious to kill. It’s not something you be wasting. Every second should be valuable. I’m not sure what it should be valuable for, but it seems important. You should be either increasing your knowledge or generating a product during your time. What about entertainment? That entertains you. A product might be improving yourself, e.g., going to the gym. So where does that leave you with television? What about movies and sports? Neither is useful.

I should be reading and recording my thoughts. I can use TheBrain or StickyBrain. I should be reading and recording my thoughts, becoming a better person. For what purpose is this? Entertainment purpose. This is what you enjoy. You enjoy doing things, not just sitting around. You enjoy using your brain. These are all things you can use your brain for. What about staring into space and sleeping? No reason to deny you those pleasures. It’s a good time for your brain to come up with new ideas. You should have lots of books open in front of you to different areas. You should be taking in new knowledge, increasing your store. This will give you something to do besides watch television. You will actually be doing things.

What about school? What are your feelings on school? Besides becoming a more “cultured” person, don’t you also want to actually meet new people? I ran into Tamer in Starbucks while writing this, and he told me a story of picking up girls in NYC. How many girls have you picked up there? I think one, and I did a shitty job of it. She was all over me on the train coming from upstate to the city, and what did you do? Nothing. Bullshit, crap, loser type of things. You are rather pathetic. Okay, let’s get back to reality. You can type and learn and read. What are you interested in? History? You have that big history book at home. Take it out and start working it. Why do you waste your time doing anything but what interests you? It’s really sad.

Going back to school: is that what you really want to do? I want to be more cultured. I want time to think about what it is I want to do. What better time than in school? I’m not going to have the time while working in law. Why not? Don’t you have the time now? Yes, I guess I do. But I also want to be immersed in the environment. I want to have nothing but learning and thinking. I want to think and think. What about spirituality? Sure! Why not? You’re not going to limit yourself to just what you’re studying. You have access (or will have access) to a great library. Why not take advantage of this? Write! Keep your thoughts organized. You will fall upon what you love. How can you not? It’s just not possible in the grand scheme of things.

Going to computer science is an interesting approach. But you are more of a Renaissance person (yeah right!). You should take advantage of that. You should expand your horizons, learn about lots of things. Keep track of what’s going on in the world and what has happened before. Imagine doing this every day for the rest of your life. You’d never be bored. You’d work out a system of recording knowledge and new knowledge. It’s not about the characterizing (which is something you love)—if you get stuck just doing that, then bad things will happen. You will find yourself endlessly reorganizing your old thoughts, or even worse, other people’s thoughts, but never coming up with new thoughts. That you should not do. You should keep thinking of both old and new things. If you limit yourself, you won’t be happy. Think of how happy this will make you. Why not do this? Religion? Absolutely. You’ll read books on that. And you’ll take detailed notes of topics that interest you. And besides the notes, you’ll also take notes on your thoughts. That’s where this is interesting. You want those two things to be the same. Your thoughts and others.

How are you going to do this? You’re not going to watch television. Only important news events will entertain you. Or if you’re with someone, then you can watch television. What about your taped show? Wasteful. Even Ruroni Kenshin? Even that. You know what’s going to happen. You can wait for the movie version of it.

What are you waiting for? Why not get started? I have a history book that will start. I will not watch television. I will reread some religious books, and I’m going to order some computer science books. I’m also going to finish studying for the GRE. And all will be good.

This is good stuff.

Man, I can’t wait until I can get started on this. You notice how much shorter this is than your other paragraphs. It sounds like you know what’s going on here. The question is whether you will be able to actually follow through with this plan.

Another interesting aside: I watched too many hours of Cribs, the MTV show that portrayed how “rich” people live. And, to the person, everyone had the same cars, the same interior decorations and the same toys.