This is the first of a few letters I sent to Sara, a girl I liked in Flatbush Park Day Camp (I was pathetic in my relationships even back then). I was a little reluctant to post this, but seeing as I'm letting it all hang out, here goes. The later letters are actually much tamer.
Dear Sara,
Hello there. I want to start by apologizing for that pretty awful phone conversation we had the week before you left. I think the problem was a combination of my incredible phone-talk abilities, with your unenthusiastic responses. Whatever. I am kind of upset I didn’t get to say goodbye to you. So, I figured I would say it in this letter. I’m probably being foolish for writing this, but I figured you deserved to know what was going on inside my twisted excuse for a cerebral cortex.
I probably should have talked to you about what I’m about to delve into, but I find I have trouble expressing myself about certain things with the spoken word. Silly I guess, but I’ve always had this problem. Writing ideas down allows me the chance to edit emotional comments to appear as they were intended. With spoken ideas I don’t have the same luxury and I think that scares me. Enough self-psycho-analytical-mumbo-jumbo.
I must admit that I really grew to like you this summer. I think it started happening last summer, but you quite efficiently seemed to blow me off then. So, being the ever-patient, thick-skinned, tortoise of an individual that I am, I persevered and tried again this summer. I’m pretty bad at communicating how I feel directly, but I was hoping some of my hints and invitations didn’t completely go over your head (which of course isn’t that hard, with you being three feet tall and everything.)
I keep thinking of why I like you. You’re too short for me, way too happy and definitely too friendly and outgoing as a person (and the fact that everyone loves you doesn’t help either!) Of course, you do happen to be extremely intelligent (for a girl of course), have a sick and twisted sense of sadistic humor (akin only to the great one himself – me in case you were a little slow in translation), be drop-dead gorgeous, and of course have a decent philosophically-able head on your shoulders. All of these things earn you little gold stars in my book.
I’m not writing this in hopes of anything happening with us in the future. You have a full year in the mother land, and at least four (if not eight) more years of college ahead of you. A lot will happen during that time with you, and although I’d love to be there when it does, I would never want to invade or hinder your growth during that period. I just wanted you to know how I felt, and still feel. Of course you are probably sitting there in your tent (do they have buildings in Israel?) and having yourself a good laugh over this poorly written letter, but what’s a poor unemployed ex-student to do?
Speaking of my employment, I do have future plans. I got my last two rejection letters from law schools over the last week or so. The Duke one hit me kinda hard. I was still hoping beyond hope to get in there. Oh well. The Fordham one was kind of funny. To think, they rejected me? After I saw the caliber of people they let in. Sigh. If only I had applied on time, or taken time to actual read and completely fill out the applications.
Anyway, back to my future plans. I had the interview for the job in Washington D.C. I bored you about before. They seemed enthusiastic about hiring me. But, I’ll see if I can find something closer to home before I agree to anything. I think I’ll work for a year (like I have so many options left open to me now), and then reapply to law school (or graduate school) for next year. I’m thinking of doing a joint program, perhaps in law and computer science. Or maybe going for a Ph.D. in Computer Science (what a geek!) Not too sure yet. But I definitely need (okay, more like want) to go back and further my education.
I visited my roommate from college. He goes to Syracuse Medical School now. He was telling me about the gross anatomy class he was taking (you know, where they cut up dead people), and it’s pretty much a requirement. No getting past it with a nice smile, or a little show of leg. He had a book chock-full of colored photographs of different pieces of cadavers in different stages of dissection. Really fascinating stuff. But it’s still dead people, and I have problems with dead people (the problem revolves mostly around the fact that they’re not alive anymore), so I don’t think medical school is for me. It is a shitload (excuse the French?) of work, but worth it for those two little letters after your name (and of course the six digit salary on your pay slip.)
I just finished reading Chaim Potok’s The Chosen. I’m pretty sure it was a movie (I think I saw it.) It was about this religious Jew who befriends a Hasidic Jew. The beginning has a baseball game in which the Hasidic Jew injures the religious Jew. It takes place during the 1940’s in Brooklyn (ring any bells?) Anyway, it was pretty good reading. Just wondering if you ever read it. The commentary on Hasidic life was quite interesting. It of course got me thinking; which in turn got me to write this letter. Don’t ask how the two connect. It was perhaps divine inspiration (I am convinced by the way, that I am the next Messiah.) It dealt a lot with the studying of the Talmud. I think I should take a look at it. So many people talk about it, it can’t be all bad? But of course the problem still is that silly Hebrew language. Can’t people just all speak and write one language? Wouldn’t the world be a happier place? Perhaps flowers would bloom in the winter and insects mate in the summer? Dare I dream? Damn that tower of Babylon. I curse thee! Argh, what is becoming of me?
I think I should do some more serious reading into Jewish works. Figure that’s the only way to truly rule it in or out of my life. You never know, maybe I’ll turn into one of those black wearing, Talmud toting, tzitzi (SP?) wearing, earlock non-shaven Jews. Although I think I’d place my money on something a hell of a lot less severe (the money refers to a bet of some sort in case your literary analogy translator is not in ship-shape condition – heard Israel does that to people.)
I wonder if I’ll ever send this letter out to you. We’ll see if my guts hold up to it. If you get it, then I guess you’ll know the answer. If not. . .well, you’ll never know of its existence. Just think of that poor tree that feel in the forest with no one to hear its crash.
It has been nice speaking to you (albeit, my speaking and your supposed listening), and I hope to do this again. But, that would involve you picking up the pen (or a keyboard if you have as bad penmanship as I do) and writing back sometime. If for nothing else than the sheer pleasure to poke fun at me. I do hope to hear from you eventually, and maybe visit you next semester when I visit my sister? Good luck in everything. And if you do write, I want to hear about your school, and Israel, and all the guys lusting after you, etc., etc. You can try writing me at my e-mail address (DavidFig@ix.netcom.com), or a paper letter (e.g., this one.) I miss you! And think about you often! Write back soon (if you have any heart!)
Love,
Dear Sara,
It’s me again! I’ve been doing pretty well since last time I wrote. Doing the usual things: sitting around, watching television (I’m sure you’ve seen it somewhere. It’s a box with a glass screen in the front. Moving pictures are seen through the glass, and sound is heard from within the box.), playing video games (joy!), reading books, and doing other random useless things as well. Been putting off writing letters and e-mail (get an e-mail account, think how much better it will be to not have to physically mail letters), but decided that I should do both tonight, or should I say this morning. It is now a little after 1 a.m. I’m such the crazy night owl! Thought I’d start with your letter.
I was very happy to hear from you! I guess I was wrong, you do have a heart (albeit a small one – I think it has something to do with your small fist, genetic I guess.) The most exciting news (if you can call it that), is that I took the job offer with Coopers & Lybrand in Washington DC. Jumping on the first job I guess, but since I haven’t heard from any of the companies I sent resumes to (seventeen of them!!) I’ve decided not to chance it. They offered me 31k with a moving bonus. Not really that much (I think I could have done better), but it’ll keep me fed, housed and with a little on the side to buy myself toys. I doubt I’ll stay with them for more than a year, but it should look nice on my resume (it is a top five accounting firm), and they’ll hire me with no experience (suckers!) I’m going to move down there within the month I figure. Get an apartment, do the crazy adult thing (scary huh?) Wow, I just noticed I use a lot of parentheses in my letter (oh well, sue me!), I think it’s a lack of much good English training.
Moving on with other exciting news, I bought a really cool music book for my trumpet. It came with a tape which had all the solos with piano and trumpeter on the first side, and just the piano accompaniment on the second side. Do you play bass over there? I really don’t want to stop playing, but I’m afraid I’ll reach a point where it just won’t be possible to play with any frequency. If you can’t play a couple of times a week, it just isn’t worth playing. But as long as I’m home doing nothing, I figure I might as well blow my brains out, piss off the neighbors, and give my family headaches. Ah, the joys of a brass instrument.
My mother’s uncle (which makes him my uncle?) came in from Argentina. He’s an older man (about 70 I’d say) and doesn’t speak a word of English. Of course this makes it quite hard to communicate with him, seeing as my seven years of Spanish taught me four words. Sigh. He’s an avid chess fan, so I played him. He whooped my butt three times in a row. I don’t know if you play chess or not, but it’s a horrible feeling when you’re in the middle of the game and you can’t do anything except sit back and watch him take your pieces one at a time. The worst part is that you can’t attack any of his pieces. Sigh. A lesson in humility.
Life seems to be moving quite quickly now for me. I keep thinking about my future, and it scares the shit out of me. I’m not sure what I want to do, or if I’ll be happy doing what it is that I want to do. It’s horrible. Especially when I think about it, or write about it. I wish I knew what I liked. That would help me decide what it is that I want to do.
As for Jewish things, haven’t done or read much of anything. The New Years is coming. I must admit that I dislike this holiday (probably the wrong word to describe it) immensely. . . Uh, if this letter is like to long, I won’t feel bad if you just like skip to the good parts. It feels like I’m writing a book here, but there’s so much I want to tell ya’. Your views are as weird and sick as mine, and that makes me feel all warm and mushy inside. But if you must, skip right to the end (not that it gets any better mind you, except for the signature part, damn I have great penmanship. But I digress, again. . . I think I dislike it (it being the high holy days) because of all the praying. The fact that I don’t understand a word is only a small problem (there is the English translation on the left side.) The biggest problem is when I read the words I can’t understand why anyone would want to say them. Apologizing and repenting for the sins of the past year. I can psychologically understand how this would be good for a person; what I can’t understand is how religiously this is good for a person. I think this ties in with my dislike of Shul, and the whole organized religious experience. Haven’t really described this well. Maybe I’ll go into it another time. Boy this is a long paragraph!
Hmm, let’s see what other musings I’ve had lately. Ah yes, I was thinking about what you wrote. The part about “every person has their place in Jewish history”. You said that the rabbi mentioned that even the Israeli soldiers have their place in this history. That’s seems kind of obvious how they fit into the history. It’s us Jewish civilian folk that are the ones who have trouble fitting in. I think that it’s the people who worry about their place in history who are the ones who are going to be left out it. As long as you follow your heart, desire and feelings you’ll find a niche which is important. The important part is to make sure you are happy with what you’ve done. History remembers and forgets the most foolish and profound of people. If you worry to much about on which page there will be a footnote about you, it becomes self defeating.
That sounded quite profound to me, but seeing as it’s 1:56 in the morning, I’m sure to a normal person, at a normal time it’s not. Sigh. I try though. I’ve also enclosed my law school personal statement. I thought you might like to read something I’ve written (besides this crap -- I mean this sentimentally beautiful work -- which I try to pretend is a letter.)
Write back! I want to hear more about how you’re doing. Are you just now realizing that the social scene is full of losers? Imagine meeting a profound person in it? (Although I do fancy myself part of it at times, and I consider myself quite profound, so, maybe, nah!.) You want to spend the rest of your days in Israel don’t you? That was the other possibility that I was talking about which American-students-visiting-Israel does to people. It’s brainwashing. Must be something in the sand. Sigh.
Love,
“Beware anger, fear, aggression; the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny!” -- Yoda
Enclosure (always wanted to write that!)
Dear Sara,
It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I just finished watching the first half of Shindler's List. I read the book when it first came out, but never got around to seeing the movie. The book was moving in some parts, uninteresting in others, but I mostly viewed it as a literary work with a strong historical framework. The movie is totally different. It's a three hour movie, and I started watching it at two or so, so I decided to stop after the first cassette (about 1:45 into it.) Wow. (As if you haven't seen it, and I have to tell you this.)
It's strange -- the feelings that are being brought out that is -- I see the underlying psychological development of the characters. How and why they do things, how they've grown, or what they've turned out to be. But that seems hardly important in this movie. Emotionally, you just start screaming at the movie. How can the Germans do this? And, how can the Jews just stand there and get shot? Of course I don't think I can understand their position, seeing as I live in the 90's, in the a free country like this one. It's so strange.
I must admit that I am quite the cynic (I know, it's shocking.) I've always accepted the worst in people as being the people. I don't expect much from anyone, and that sort of makes the disappointments I receive from them that much less painful. But, it has also left me with a cynical outlook on the world, and especially on people. It was the worth of people that had always concerned me. I could not accept that people are worthwhile just because they are people. There definitely are differences between people. Some are intelligent, others dumb; some physically attractive, others repulsive; some socially skilled, others lacking in all social graces. I had always thought that these measures were the actual measure of people. Different classes, different categories, different worth.
This mostly came into being after a long debate with a Libertarian friend of mine at Binghamton. Libertarians believe that money is the only thing of value. Everything is subordinate. Laws should only be made that protect monetary trade, government should be limited to this, etc. We were debating for awhile, and I came across a weird concept. Following his notions to the extreme, I came across the logical conclusion that crimes should be paid for; paid for literately that is. If a man murders someone, that man should pay the family for the murder. With money, or work, or something equivalent. Of course this is an extreme Libertarian view. But it struck me as quite odd. And after arguing with him for a couple of hours (I believe, in the rain outside the mail house), I finally came up with this final argument. If I could prove that all human life is innately, or inherently valuable, then the very notion and center belief of Libertarians must be wrong. He amazingly agreed. It was so simple, just prove that life was valuable. But, I found no answer to this simple question. I found no way to prove him wrong by proving an idea that I had always accepted as true. I think it was then that I started doubting that idea.
Along comes Schindler. Not the person, although he was exceptional in some ways. But the emotions that his story brings forth. In those emotions seem to lie the answer to the question of inherent human worth. It goes beyond reason, beyond the human mind to what makes us human. (This all coming from an almost-ex-materialist....very weird) Let me see if I can put this idea down on paper: The inherent worth of human beings arises from the fact that the very gauge is a human being. To measure worth, we must compare it to something that we know has worth. This scale, of course is ourselves. We know we are worth something, we are very valuable to ourselves. But why is it that we are valuable? Because we are who we are socially, or intellectually? Probably not, since I'm sure a poor factory worker considers himself valuable; it's more because we know we exist, we think, we feel, we are there. And in this place, all human beings must have worth, inherently and innately.
Wonder if that made any sense to you? Sigh. I tried though! Such an interesting day, the night of Yom Kippur. Went to Shul, did my Jewish obligation. Hated every minute of it. Did my fasting obligation; did my Yizkor obligation; even did my family obligations. So uninteresting, repetitive, senseless. But, after our fast-breaking meal, I had a very interesting conversation with my pretty learned neighbor. She (yes, I know, a learned female? Impossible!) was talking about the Bible, and happened to mention the inconsistency in the very beginning of Genesis. So I brought down my Tanakh (big Jewish word, eh?) and started following her reasoning. It's very interesting, so I thought I'd bore you with it. Just so as to get another person's opinion, and put it down on paper.
She believes that the humans that G-d (I will be respectful of the Jewish notation for writing His name in English) created on the 6th day, were not the same as Adam and Eve. They were in some ways superior, but definitely different. They were created in His (that of G-d and the angels) image, where Adam was formed from the clay of the Earth. On the 6th day, G-d created male and female, equal in all aspects; Eve was created as a helper for Adam, from Adam, not exactly in equal standings.
This of course is pretty meaningless, until you tie it in with something later on in Genesis. In 6.1 (me quoting the bible, help me!) it is written "When men began to increase on earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw how beautiful the daughters of men were and took wives from among those that pleased them." Her theory followed that these sons of G-d were actually those people who G-d first created, but was displeased with. His first "experiment" if you will. Very weird. Thought I'd just put that down. Kind of hard to write up a full argument without wasting a couple of pages on background and quotes, but I thought I'd give you the gist. Some of this is actually pretty interesting. But, you just have to find the right person to talk to, and there aren't many "right" people around.
As for my life (who cares you ask? Not really sure, I answer), still waiting to hear from Washington DC They are stringing me along. I call them about once a week, and they seem to be making excuses. Very weird. I'm still sending out my resume (or will be actually...eventually.) I'm hopefully going to call up for some law applications tomorrow. Although, I'm still really confused about what I'm going to do. I don't want to be a lawyer, but the money looks awfully good. And if I don't go into law, what else will I go into? Such fucking hard questions, with no answers anywhere in sight. Sigh. Otherwise life is quite uneventful. Staying up late (it's now 5:09am), probably because I get too much sleep during the day. What is becoming of me? Bored out of my mind mostly, but sometimes I come up with original thoughts (I figured out how many licks it takes to get the center of a tootsie roll pop...okay, I lied, I never made it.)
Enough about me, yourself? Your life? Israel in general? In specific? The dog next store? Your family. How ya' doing, etc., etc. Speak to you soon! Write back eventually!
Love,
P.S. Such a meaningful letter. How do I do it? And at such a crazy hour. I must be incredible!
P.S.S. It is now October 17, 1995, and I'm finally getting around to printing this out, and mailing it your way. I planned on sending it out earlier, but never got around to it. Such a procrastinator. Sigh. Hope all is well, and hoping to hear from you.
(Excepted from a letter I wrote Chuck.)
How are you doing out there? I was very happy to receive your letter. I was getting bits and pieces of information from the not-so-reliable Scott. He was telling me about the insane amounts of money you were making. I am quite jealous of course. I'm sure you'll see why as soon as I outline my incredible post-graduation life.
I worked in a day camp for the summer months, and ended up making about $2k. For the amount of work I did, it was definitely worthwhile. As for law schools, I received my last rejection from the schools I was wait listed on at about the same time as camp ended. (Isn't life wonderful? Happy surprises around every corner; joyful news at every turn. Oh to be five again.)
After accepting that I wasn't destined to go to law school this year, I set out looking for a job in the CS field. I sent out about 30 resumes, and I let all my relatives know I was on the job hunt. My younger sister came through for me. She got me the name and number of Coopers & Lybrand's technology consulting department in Washington DC (she interned in their NY office over the summers and became quite friendly with some of the people who worked there.) I spoke with them, went on an interview in NY, and visited the place down in DC. Everything was going smoothly. They made me an offer, I told them I'd take the job. (It paid 31k with a 1k signing bonus. I think I could have done better if I'd actually looked, but here was a job, and I'm not all that choosy.) They were in such a hurry to hire me then. It's been about three weeks now, and it seems they are giving me the run around. They had to do a background check on me, but I've never heard of one that takes three weeks.. If I hear nothing positive from them by this Friday, I'm done with it, and it's off to the hunt again.
If you haven't guessed, I've been doing absolutely nothing since I finished camp. I sit around, keep weird hours, watch lots of TV, play lots of video games, and generally live in a vegetating-state. This doesn't sound that bad, at least for the first month. But as time rolls along, it gets very boring. I'm going out of my mind these days. I'm thinking this immortal thing isn't all It's cracked up to be. I'm sure there are going to be centuries in which I'm going to be bored out of my mind. Sigh.
I was on and off seeing that Columbia Asian girl throughout the summer, and up through now. We usually go out to eat, end up back in her room, and spend the time making out, etc. Not much of a relationship, but it passes the time. I did really like a girl at camp this summer as well. She's 18 (legal, a definite plus), incredible intelligent, gorgeous, cynical, sweet, and just plain amazing. She went to Israel for the year, so all I've been doing is writing letters to her. She even wrote back once! Probably nothing will ever happen there, but it never hurts to try. A country of Asian girls. . .Go chuck!
Just came back from Syracuse, visiting Shannon. His mother got your letter, so he hasn't had a chance to read it yet. He hates school, not sure if he'll finish the four years. He has a great apartment, is serious about Deb (you know, the moaning one), and is generally an unhappy camper. I'm sure he'll tell you more about it when he writes ya'.
It took Scott only about two months to finally call me after he moved. I was very surprised to hear from him. I was almost about to write him off as a no-show in the friend department. We talked for a while, and I might visit him this weekend (if he calls, I forgot to get his new number for his new house.) Of course, he had to go in the middle of our conversation because there was a crazy Magic game going on. I haven't spoken to the kid in two months, and he runs off to play Magic. Makes me feel kind of unimportant. I mean, if it was something important like time to go to the Ratt, then maybe I'd understand. Oh, speaking of Magic, he told me that you left him your cards to sell. He decided that since you're making so much money out there, you wouldn't mind if he just divvied them up. I'm sure his collection of green rares has increased dramatically. Very smart there Chuck, trust Scott with something important.
I hope you understand that I'm not trying to be impersonal by typing this, but I'd rather if you were able to read what I wrote. And of course, now that schools finished with, I don't get to use my word processor that much. I've upgraded to Windows 95, and Word 7.0. Don't believe any of the garbage you hear (not sure if you hear anything over there, Scott and I were debating whether or not they had plumbing), Windows 95 is actually pretty good, and not all that bug-ridden. Not as good as the Mac-OS, but pretty damn good for a first version OS. DOS and Windows Games run pretty well on it, and isn't that all that matters?
Wish I had some happy news to pass on, but I don't. Life generally sucks. I'm sure your life is quite exciting though. A different country, a new language, a good job, new experiences. I hope you are still writing some English, at least enough to translate your stories. It's going to suck if I have to learn a foreign language to read your work. You are still writing I hope? Or at least living on the edge to prepare for writing? I've got a question, does Asian blood taste that much different from American? You still wearing your ring, or have you given in to your true nature?
I am planning on joining a Dojo as soon as I settle into a place for work. I feel like such a bum not doing anything physical except sleep. I even started doing push-ups and stomach crunches at night to try to keep myself somewhat in shape. My dream in life: beat up Shannon. After I attain this, I can die a happy man.
Oh yeah, I haven't told you what I plan to do in September. I am reapplying to law school, but with a slight twist this time. I'm planning on sending my applications out on time (I know, you're thinking to yourself, is that wise David? Isn't that a little risky? What if one of the schools actually accepts you?) Don't worry, I've taken all of this into consideration, and have decided to take my chances. I'm also trying to apply to some L.L.M. programs to get a Masters in some sort of CS-type law field. Joy. Just shoot me now, please!
That about raps up all that happening here in Brooklyn. Write back! I want to hear details about your life. I have to live vicariously through someone, and now that Shannon's life sucks, I need another person to latch on to!
"Beware anger, fear, aggression; the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny!" . Yoda (remember this the next time you have thoughts of removing your ring and doing some night prowling.)
(Excerpted from a letter to Chuck.)
I am happy to report (for the first time in a very long time) that I have interesting things in my OWN life of which to write about. My life has actually been moving along quite rapidly (although not to the extent of some lucky, blood-sucking bastard.) I am now officially a working slob. The job in DC came through, and I moved down here and started work last Wednesday.
The Friday before I started work I found an apartment in Virginia. While I'm not one to brag, this apartment is incredible. It's located in a gorgeous apartment complex with a valet, and consier desk. The apartment is an efficiency (which is like a studio, except it's shaped weird, and has a dressing room -- i.e., a very long hallway with one wall made up of closets.) The kitchen is incredible. It has a GAS range and oven (no more burnt plates!), a dishwasher and garbage disposal, and enough room for my small kitchen table (with matching high-quality plastic chairs).
The main room is shaped like an 'L'. My bed is in the lower part, and the outside door is at the top with the dressing room branching off to the left next to the door, and the bathroom beyond the dressing room. I have a beautiful queen sized bed, and a plant. I'm also the proud owner of a desk and a futon, and a hell of a lot of empty space. The apartment is a block away from a price club and an underground mall, three blocks away from a full sized mall, and across the street from the metro station (the amazingly clean, fast DC subway system).
Regrettably, I have to occasionally leave my apartment to go to work. My job isn't horrible. I don't lug boxes or do other such menial work (e.g. Scott's job), but it's not exactly fun. I write support programs for a large database called ERIS (get this: Expatriate Resource Informational System ' joy.) I also help upgrade and debug this database. It's written in Lotus Notes (which is a glorified Word Processor / Spreadsheet with good network support.) I am happy to report that I am damn good at the job. They gave me a project which I guess they expected me to do within a week or so (it was in a language I did not know at the time), suffice to say it was done by the end of the day. I'm a genius, what can I say? Or perhaps they're just uneducated, overpaid sorry-excuses for programmers. Either way it looks good for me.
Getting up at about 7am is not one of the favorite parts of my job. The worst is coming home and being totally exhausted from doing pretty much nothing the whole day. Most of the time I get to sleep at 10pm. Sad, huh? I of course got cable, although it is very sorry looking on my 13' TV. I am hoping to buy a spanking new SONY Trinitron 27' next month. That is if I survive this first month.
I have to tell you that you have not lost your flair for the English language yet. I was totally enthralled by your letter (all 30 pages of it.) It got me thinking about my own pitiful existence. Sigh. I was kind of hoping to avoid the deeper thought for a while. But, it seems quite impossible now.
I am glad that you have found your niche in life. And that girls are crawling all over your Asian Lust Monkey body. Not to mention about your travel, your jobs, your new apartment. Sorry Shannon, it seems that I have a new vicariously-live-through-buddy-because-my-life-sucks Idol. He is by the way still planning on writing you. He is just incredibly busy with Med. School (at least that's what he told me to say.) He broke up with Deb after they decided it was better that way. He seems to have moved on (I had spoken with him after they had just broken up, and he was pretty miserable. I then spoke with him last week, and of course he was working on his newest conquest. Sigh.) So expect a letter from him eventually, although don't hold your breath waiting--although that really wouldn't hurt you much, so actually it might be kind of fun.
After contemplating my miserable existence (you can see how my mind flows logically from point to point, never getting sidetracked with extraneous thoughts) I have decided that I have not a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. Well, at least the rest of this life. My law school applications are being sent out again (with hopes of five more rejections, just to test out the little window in my head.) To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure if I want to go to law school. To be absolutely honest, I have no fucking clue how I want to spend the rest of my life. Being transported to a different world tops my fantasy list. I just can't seem to find anything that I feel would be fulfilling and interesting. Very sad.
I think it's becoming more than sad lately. I sit around and just think about what life can possibly hold for me, and I come up very empty. Don't worry, I'm not contemplating suicide (it's extremely awkward to slice off one's own head.) But, I do sense that something is missing within me. The problem of course is in finding what that grander purpose which I'm missing is. And the fact that I haven't had a deep philosophical discussion in a number of weeks is becoming quite a drag as well. Sigh.
Dear Sara,
I was very happy to receive your letter (albeit it was short, but in this day and age isn’t it the quality that’s important, not the quantity?) I do have a new address (which you’ll luckily find on the top left corner of the envelope. Unless of course in your excitement to read my letter, you ripped that part; in which case, just send it to my old address, the Mom’s forwarding express has been working overtime.) Where to begin, where to begin.
I guess at the beginning. I got a call from my manager at Coopers & Lybrand on a Monday morning informing me that the background check was complete, and asking me when I wanted to start. This was over a month after they had initially made me the offer. At that point I was rather unenthusiastic about the whole idea of moving out to DC. I was incredibly bored at home, but I had gotten myself into a routine where the boredom seemed a positive outgrowth of that routine. Regrettably, that routine wasn’t earning me any money, so I told them that I was hopefully going to start on the first of November (about a week or so after they called.)
That weekend I went up to Virginia to stay with my cousins and look for an apartment. My cousins are nice, elderly people (the husband just turned 65.) They are very nice (did I say that already?), but they tend to get on your nerves after a while (or an hour, whichever comes first.) We looked for an apartment for me in DC near my work, and in Virginia in two different areas. After a day of intensive searching, I decided to live here, in Arlington, VA in a place called Crystal City. My cousins were very gracious hosts, and they seem to feel that it is their responsibility to make sure that I’m doing okay in this big scary city of theirs. Did I not tell you that my cousin can talk the leaves off trees? Suffice to say, I don’t look forward to their calls, or at least my poor defenseless ear doesn’t particularly like them. But, they are very nice people (I just keep telling myself that, over and over again.)
Crystal City used to be a rundown area next to an old Railroad dump (where the old trains were stored.) That was until the Edward Smith and Marriot Corporation decided that it was time to develop and make a fortune. What they developed was a beautiful little city, with its own six story mall (we’re talking monstrous and beautiful – that is if you’re into malls. Personally, the first time I went in there it scared me half to death. Here was proof of the decadence of modern society. It was in those very halls that I finally found the proof of the decline of modern civilization! But I digress.) They also developed a number of expensive hotels, and apartment buildings. I happen to live in one of those apartment buildings.
Like a proud parent, I cannot resist but give you the layout of where I live. It is beautiful. The apartment complex itself houses two separate apartment buildings with the lobby joining them together. The lobby looks like a huge ballroom, with enormous chandeliers and a beautiful ballroom floor. To the left after you enter is the Concierge desk and a past the ballroom floor is a sitting area with paintings on the wall. The complex also is home to a Olympic sized swimming pool. The apartment itself is what is known as a efficiency (like a studio, but not exactly one room.) The apartment is shaped like a mutated L. At the top is where you enter. To your left after you enter is the entrance closet, and to the right is the dressing room. The dressing room is a long hallway with one wall dedicated to closet space. At the end of the dressing room is a sink, and the bathroom door. If you walk past the entrance closet to your right is the kitchen. The kitchen is huge. It has a gas stove, dishwasher, garbage disposal, full sized fridge and lots of counter and shelf space. Outside the kitchen is the rest of my apartment, a large room with a big window at the bottom of the L. The little part of the L is where my bed is, and another entrance to the kitchen.
I of course immediately got a Queen Sized Bed (notice I capitalize this. It is intended to show respect and reverence to one of man’s greatest creations.) I also went to IKEA and bought some furniture. I got a black futon (which I placed in front of my window, next to a person-sized plant – which I’m afraid to report is slowly, and very painfully dying.) I also bought a black desk, and a small, plastic, rickety kitchen table with four kitchen chairs. Aside from that, I have a CD tower, a 13” TV on a sleeping bag cardboard box, and a pseudo night stand made from an old CD carousel. I also have a cool stereographic picture. It’s called “Guardians Of The Deep”. Not sure if you can see them yet (it takes a special, dedicated person to be able to see into the realms of the third dimension), but I’ve always thought it was the coolest one. Aside from that I have clock. It’s a $6 clock, but nonetheless, it’s still a clock. As you can tell by my proud description, I love my apartment.
Regrettably, I have to occasionally leave my apartment to go to my job. I’m not saying it’s a bad job (they don’t make me lug boxes around, or clean up after sick animals), but it’s just not challenging enough. The company is a big six financial services firm. Very rich (of course you’d never be able to tell from the pitiful salary they’re paying me.) I write programs for the national tax division. Mostly my group writes support programs and supports this large database known as ERIS (Expatriate Resource Information System – or something like that.) Not very exciting, or very challenging. The only positive aspect of the job is that I am damn good at it. They gave me a project which I guess they thought would take me a week or so, it was done by the end of the day. But, they do pay me, and support my apartment addictions.
The good part about work is that it is only fifteen minutes by Metro (the extremely fast, clean and safe subway system in DC, southern MD, and northern VA – where I live.) The Metro station is across the street from my apartment building inside the underground mall (yet another Marriot creation, in the basement of a group of Marriot hotels.) The commute is painlessly short, and always exciting (people watching being one of my favorite activities outside of watching television of course.)
I haven’t met anyone outside of work yet (I know, you’re shocked and surprised. How can such a social butterfly such as myself not have met many people? I don’t understand it either.) I have gotten a chance to see the sights in DC. I am sorry to report that although the government buildings are beautiful, the bums-per-square meter ratio is ten times worse than NY’s. Isn’t that sad? Our nations capital overrun with bums. It takes so much away from its beauty.
I doubt I’m going to stay in this job for more than 10 month (my apartment lease forces me to stay at least that long.) My law school applications are all out, and I’m planning on applying for other jobs in a couple of months (as soon as I get experience and can write down this job on my resume.) What do I want to do you ask? I have no fucking clue. You would think once you get past college, you would know what you want to do with the rest of your life. Well, it just doesn’t happen I’m afraid – at least not for me. Sigh.
Enough about my exciting life. Now on to yours. So, you have big college decisions to make. Don’t even think about not going to college! Sheesh, I can’t believe that even crossed your mind! My suggestion would be to go the best college you can get into in the States. Of course, look to the Jewish population. NYU I’m sure has a decent percentage, as does University of Pennsylvania, etc. Don’t sell yourself short (upon proof-reading, no pun intended) on your quest for finding the Jewish person locked deep within you (and deeper within me.)
I know that Judaism is extremely important to you, and that’s great, but remember yourself and your own goals. Also remember, that you should give yourself the opportunity to expand and think beyond religion. The ability to question religion I think is one of the most important aspects of religion. Without it, you do religion because you do religion, and for no other reason. I want you to have the best possible chance to be the best possible person that you can be. The best way for you to do that is to give yourself the best secular as well as religious education!
You’ll be happy to know that I have a Menorah in my apartment, and a Mezuzah on the door (look at me go! Such the crazy Jewish person.) I haven’t really given much more thought to my Jewish identity. But I know there’s something missing within my life, and you never know, maybe it is religion (although personally I think it’s a 27” Trinitron SONY Television.)
Aside from all these exciting things happening within my life, I’m pretty much the same person I’ve always been (much to the chagrin of everyone I know.) Keep in touch, and write me more about your experiences and life out there in the boondocks of Israel! Oh yeah, my sister is going out there next semester, so I am probably going to visit her in April. I would love to see you if that is possible. When I find out more information, I’ll write you more about it. I miss you! And I’m hoping to hear from you (hopefully with more quantity as well as quality).
Love Always,
“Beware anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.” -- Yoda
(I know, why the same quote over and over again? The results of a very unimaginative mind I’m afraid.)
Dear Sara,
I was very happy to receive your last letter, and to find it so long. Very impressive. Life over in the nation’s capital has been pretty uneventful for me. Nothing new to report. I’m still in the same job. Still bored out of my mind at the same job. And I’m still promising myself that I’m going to finish up my resume and look for another job. . .tomorrow that is. Sigh.
I have heard back from three law schools for next semester. I got rejected from NYU law, but I got into Brooklyn Law, and Syracuse Law (not much of a consolation prize, but I’ll take what I can get.) I’m still waiting to hear from Duke Law (dreaming), and Cornell (probably another dream.) Not sure if I want to go to law school. Not sure what I want to do. But, that’s nothing new. Confusion breeds inspiration, or something like that.
Now, to answer some of your questions from your last letter: Living on my own is pretty incredible (Mr. Grownup? The same guy who watches cartoons on Saturday mornings? I think not.) I do miss having my friends around to talk to, and my apartment does occasionally get a little messy (like now for instance. This was the weekend to clean it up, so here I am, procrastinating by writing letters.), but aside from those minor set backs, it’s fun. I would probably enjoy it even more if I actually had friends here to talk with. But, I’m hoping with time, my incredible social abilities (cough, cough) will come through. I do hang out with the people at work occasionally – more exactly once or twice. But, I’m hoping to build on that. I have joined a karate gym, about a two month ago. I’m in the best physical shape of my life, and having a great time. I’ve also met a couple of people through that, but nothing has come through on that. So socially, I’m pretty much a zero.
I’m afraid I haven’t found a place of worship. Just call me the bad Jew. Lazy Jew is probably a better word for it. I currently seem to have very little inspiration to pursue my religious identity. It comes and goes in me. I have been pursuing my philosophical pursuits more and more, but it seems that Judaism has taken a back seat now. As for keeping a kosher kitchen, I can’t say that I have been remotely successful in that, either. Only one set of dishes and silverware, but, if given the choice I’ll usually buy kosher foods, it’s not something I’m looking for. The spiritual need is still not there for me. And with nobody to share it with, I don’t know if it ever will be there.
I’m very happy to hear about your interview at Stern college. Although, I must again caution you about living in a sterile environment. While you can look out for my spiritual advancement (however lacking, and disappointing it is), I’ll try to look out for your physical and intellectual advancement. By closing yourself off to new experiences – such as life in a secular dorm – you are losing out on learning about what life has to offer. How can one understand and know life, if one is always looking at it from only one side of the fence? There can be no comparison, no understanding. While I again respect your Judaic needs, I must at least try to make a case for your intellectual needs.
As for people being intrinsically good – I can spend hours debating that with you. I of course think there is no such thing as good or evil. But, that’s for another time and place. Your example from your cousin’s house is just another example of life in a bubble. Not understanding, or dealing with other cultures causes fear, the very basis of prejudice. You are very different from the girls who you are living with now, because you have been exposed to other cultures, and other aspects outside of Judaism. Religion, like any culture, is founded on brainwashing. I’ve said this many times, and I still believe it. Without experience, it’s impossible to counter such thoughts. You need to experience things that are contrary to what you are being taught, or what you learn from listening to your parents.
Inside a bubble made of Judaism, you lack the ability to experience everything. Racism is learned by fearing something that you don’t understand. You ask: how can a religious Jew be racist? The same way that anyone can be racist. Because they are human. Being Jewish does not make you a perfect person. Believing in G-d, and studying His word does not make you love all people. Only by experiencing people, and dealing with different cultures can you learn to respect and deal with people.
I’m happy that you are having such a great time over in Israel. I’m just worried that you are not giving yourself the chance to experience everything you possibly can. I’m not saying that I have that chance because I’m a bad Jew, but because I leave myself open for everything and anything. That becomes harder as time passes. As I just snuck up on twenty-two years of life, I’m noticing that. But, alas, I’m babbling.
I’m afraid this is going to be a short letter for me. My life has been pretty uneventful, as has my thoughts for the past couple of months. I hope to hear from you soon, and I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your intellectual, as well as religious thoughts. Keep in mind that you always have a cynic here to throw your ideas off of, and to make fun of you.
Saturday, February 10, 1996
Okay, here’s a little addendum. I didn’t get a chance to print this out and mail it, and since I actually have a little news, here it is: I got a call from Syracuse’s financial aid office. They’re offering me a full scholarship (not as impressive as your scholarships, but it’s something.) This doesn’t really change much, but it is news. Still haven’t heard from the other schools.
And of course, when there’s good news, bad news must follow. My job is becoming quite close to intolerable. If I didn’t have rent to pay I would have quit Friday. As it is now, I’m trying to change groups to a much more interesting and challenging group (which will hopefully pay more.) I’m also planning on making a mass mailing tomorrow of my new and improved resumes and cover letters. Who knows? Maybe someone will offer me that dream job, and I won’t have to worry about school. But then again, Ed McMahon and Dick Clark could also just drop off a check for $11 million, and I really wouldn’t have to worry anymore (of course, that requires you to actually fill out the sweepstakes entry. Sigh. Always a catch.) Take care, and write soon.
Love Always,
David
(Excerpted from a letter to Chuck.)
Hey there Chuck. I'm hoping that this is still your address. I'm sorry I missed you during Christmas break, but I couldn't get in touch with his lordship, Scott. Spoke with him at the beginning of the week, but then couldn't find him again. I probably couldn't have made it out to Binghamton anyhow. I flew home, and when I got there I was completely bushed from work and the flight. It would have been really hard to drive four hours after that. Sigh. Hopefully we'll get to see each other sometime soon. If not, I'll have to end up going over to some weird Asian country.
Life from the nation's capital is going so-so. I'm still unhappily at the same job. I've been having major problems with the person above me. He's a stinky breath, condescending, as-much-talent-as-is-in-my-eyelash asshole. The work has turned from bearably menial, to completely unsatisfactory menial labor. I won't bore you with the gruesome details, but suffice to say, I don't want to be working there two weeks from now.
I don't think I'll be slicing my head off anytime soon though, there is hope in my future. I might be switching groups to a much more enjoyable group, and hopefully more pay within the same company. I'm also going to send out a bulk mailing tomorrow of my new and improved resumes and cover letters. Hopefully something will change soon. The alternative is awfully messy.
I am happy to report that I am still fervently doing Karate. It's been about two and a half months now, and I'm going to test for my gold belt in a week or two. I'm in the best physical shape of my life: I've gained five pounds, I actually have little muscles on my arms, and I have almost defined boxes in my stomach. I'm having a real good time working out there, and I'm actually practicing at home. I'm still pretty inflexible, but I can at least touch my toes, and make a feeble attempt at a split. Once again I have to warn you, I am going to be incredible one of these days. You, Shannon and all the immortals out there better watch out. There's a new god in the neighborhood.
Speaking of his Karate-ship, he actually claims to have written you a letter, but as of yet has not worked up willpower to mail it. He must figure that you can psychically read it from its closed envelope in his apartment. I think he gives you a little too much credit. I believe your mental powers mostly revolve around hypnotizing, but then again, I could be wrong. Quick synopsis of his life: He's finally settled down and accepted that he will be a doctor one day. He doesn't think he'll be a surgeon, but maybe a doctor who deals with physical therapy. He aims to work as little as possible, and make as much as possible for the time spent working. He doesn't want to be on call 24 hours a day, and have no free time. Weird, huh' Him and--shit, forget her name, you know the one he was awfully serious with at the end of school--broke off. He was pretty heart broken over that. But, they both decided it would be better this way. He's able to concentrate more on school, and they made a pact that in five years if neither of them are in a relationship, they'll try again. Otherwise he's still hanging in there. Hopefully that letter will find its way to the post office eventually.
Moving on to school, I am still considering going to law school next semester. I was offered a full scholarship to go to Syracuse Law (think of it, me and the big guy back together. . .all we'd need is Scott to move next door and you to sleep in our closet, and it would be like college all over again. That is until you get a girlfriend and then ditch your friends for the majority of the semester only coming back to them at the end because you realize what you did and finally are able to come to terms with having both a girlfriend and friends outside her that is I'm not saying that I'm bitter or anything or even that this is a run-on sentence but who knows?). I've also been accepted to Brooklyn Law with a chance at a scholarship from there too (neither school is very good, but at least I got in somewhere.) I've been rejected from NYU (the bastards), and I haven't yet heard from Duke and Cornell (waiting on my third rejection from that school.) Of course, I'm not sure whether I even want to go to law school, so this all might be pretty academic. I'm also considering applying for a Ph.D. program for the following semester in Computer Science. You know, be a full-time geek. Who knows? I'm also hoping that Dick Clark and Ed McMahon send me a check for $10 million dollars; the only problem is I forgot to fill out the entry form. One can always hope though.
As for my love life. 'nough said.
I was going through AD&D withdrawal last week. I was in such the mood to play, and there was nobody to play with. I miss those Friday nights. Sigh. I'm happy to report that I don't miss playing Magic at all. In fact, I feel richer without the game in my life. I wonder why. My beer tolerance is also slowly going up as well. Went out last night (a pretty rare occasion, seeing as I have few friends down here), and actually had pretty thick, and alcoholic beer. While I passed on the stout, I did drink some dark ale, and liked it better than a lighter, raspberry beer. I guess we all have to grow up sometime.
Have you made your first million yet? I expect a postcard when you do (and perhaps a check taped to it. I did inspire you. A little? Please:) My philosophizing has dropped off dramatically since school. I get few chances to practice my art, and I seem worse for the wear. Although you'll be happy (or perhaps not interested) to know, that I have be revising my thoughts, and I definitely think I have more powers than just immortality, and the little window in my head. I'm working on what they are, so as soon as I can market them, I'll send you a postcard.
Life is otherwise pretty boring. I need someone to vicariously live through, so send me a letter with your exploits. I'm sure you're saving most of them for your memoirs, but I'm sure you can give me a sneak peak at them. Umm, if possible, can you write it in English? My Korean isn't what it used to be.
From Washington DC, this nation's capital, and home of. . .err. . .me, I once again wish you well. I hope this letter finds you, and when it does you are tolerably happy, in a wonderful relationship, and making millions of dollars (of which you wish to share it with your lonely, pathetic, pen pal in DC.) Speak with you soon.
(Excerpted from a letter to Chuck.)
It is now about 12am and I am far from sleepy. Instead of waste this precious time, I figured I'd fill you in on what's happening here in the states. Sorry for taking so long in responding to your last letter, but I've had very little to write about. My life is still in the same rut it was in a couple of months ago. And so it goes, and so it goes.
I'm still working at Coopers & Lybrand. As I was telling you during my last letter, I've changed groups at work, and I'm much happier now, but of course not content. I'm working more with C++ windows programming, which was more challenging at first, but is slowly becoming tedious. The people I work with now are much better. They are more relaxed and down to earth, as well as being friendly, and around my age. I still spend about four hours a day playing video games (Descent mostly--3-d wanna-be spaceship in a tunnel type game), and another couple of hours goofing off, but I do manage to spend at least fifteen minutes a day doing actual work. (I know, I know, you must be saying: but David, they just don't pay you enough to do fifteen minutes of work a day. But, alas, I do pity their mortal souls and try to contribute some crumb of my being towards their essence. But, I digress.)
Remember way back in the beginning of the letter when I told you I was not sleepy? Let me try to clarify that for you. I just received my green belt in karate last Friday (applause, applause--what can I say? Shannon is home right now waking up in a cold-sweat at the thought of me), and I've been killing myself going there. I go about four times a week (Mon. Through Thurs.) rest on Friday, and then play a couple of hours of basketball on Saturday (weather permitting--which happily has been cooperating lately.) I went sparring today after a grueling workout yesterday, and I almost feinted. My poor little body just can't handle the strain anymore. The problem is that I ache so badly from bruises and just plain exhaustion that I can't fall asleep. Hence the letter. Not that I haven't been planning on writing you for the last couple of weeks, but you get the picture.
Aside from my minor ailments and complaints I've been surviving. I do tend to get lonely on weekends (outside of work and karate I haven't made many friends--go figure, Mr. Excitement, Mr. Outgoing.) But this has paid off in other ways. I've been once again revisiting my philosophical beliefs. I am a lot more spiritual than I ever was before. Not religious mind you (God forbid!), but I have a firmer respect for the body/soul relationship and where everything fits in the world around us. I've also been slowly and painfully redoing my thoughts on people. As you might or might not recall, I believed that the majority of people were dumb, and were not worth getting to know or taking up space on Earth. Since then, I've come to the conclusion that although I was right that most people are dumb and a waste of good fertile earth and yummy oxygen, there are a few who are not such a drain on the resources of the earth. And, (don't you just love starting sentences with 'and'') if I go about my business of assuming everyone is not worth knowing (for reasons stated above notwithstanding, or hitherto), I'll never get to meet those truly valuable people. Makes a lot of sense, huh? Took me a whole Metro ride home to think that one through. How do I do it you ask? You just really don't want to know, trust me.
I'm sure by now your staggering under the weight of that last paragraph, so I'll lighten the topic a bit. Syracuse is looking better and better for next year. I've sent my deposit in (finally), and will start looking for apartments probably next week (Shannon will give me some phone numbers, and I'll work from there.) I'm still not sure about Law School. I think I'll enjoy school--the challenge, the tests, the desperate girls--I'm not too sure about enjoying the actual working in the field of law. For a couple of days there I was serious thinking of becoming a vagabond, but that thought quickly ran-off as I realized that I'd be poor, and wouldn't be able to play video games anymore. Since I have no purpose, and I'm not all that happy where I currently am, I figure why not Law School? It seems a lot of my friends from high school are having that same thought. Two of them are preparing for the LSAT with fairy-plumb dreams of practicing law. When in doubt, go to Law school. Disgusting isn't it?
I am working with two people from work who are trying to start their own programming firm. Although nothing will probably come of it, both of them are pretty smart, and they have some good ideas between them. I figure I might as well try to see if anything happens. I'd hate to find out I was saddled with a Bill Gates-protégé, and wasted my time going to Law School. So far nothing has happened, but we'll see in a couple of months if anything materializes through that.
I have been reading like a maniac lately. I've read close to forty fantasy novels (such great train reading), and a great book called About Time by Something Davies. It explains Einstein's theory of relativity and the more recent and ancient musings on time. It fits quite well into my thoughts on the metaphysics of life around us. I've also been reading some mystic Jewish books. Very slow reading (have to take notes to decipher anything) but it's worth it. Extremely interesting and spiritual (there's that word again.)
Like usual I have very little to report on the relationship front. Being the born-loser that I am, I have yet to meet any females of the human species who want me. . .umm, let me rephrase that, they all want me, but I'm too much of a chicken to ask them out (yeah, that's the ticket, I'm just a feathered mockery of a man.) Whatever the reason, I'm still lonely. I speak with that Asian chick I was going out with at the end of school every so often, but she's in Arizona now, so there's very little chance of anything happening there. There's also a girl in karate who I'm pretty sure likes me (also Asian, I'm definitely not catching your disease, have no fear) but, she's too weird for me. Sigh. I'm sure your life is a hell of a lot more exciting than this.
Speaking of your blood-sucking, Asian-leeching, money-making, school-learning life, how are you doing? Hopefully the white man does well over in the backward world of the Orient. And hopefully you still remember enough English to read this letter, or I just wasted a lot of toner. Are you still writing? Anything I'd understand? Fill me in, I need vicarious-fluids to survive. Shannon's been very disappointing lately. He has some interesting stories, but not as many as he used to have. Sigh. I'm sure you can pick up the slack. Vampires always seem to have great stories.
Welp, I think I've bored you enough with my pitiful life. Drop my a line when you get a chance. So long from the rat filled race known as my life.
'To dream is to know the impossible; to know the impossible is to live.' ' Me
(Excerpted from a letter to Chuck.)
It's me again! New address, but same old David. I obviously decided to go to Syracuse Law, and here I am. I've finished my first full week (the last week consisted of only two days.) Yeah. Once again I'll apologize for not writing you sooner, but things take many months to happen in my life, and in between those times I'm afraid very little goes on. I think this will be the last time I apologize for that, I'm sure you feel the same way, or at least can sympathize with my pathetic existence. And of course, not all of us have the muse as our continuously companion. But, lucky for you, I think it's here with me now. Hopefully, you haven't gone and moved or done something crazy, and this letter will reach me so you can respond and tell me how your nighttime prowlings go.
I guess I'll start with my last couple of months in the DC area. They were very exciting. I worked, went to karate, swam and read trash fantasy novels. That about covers those months. I did eventually get to my purple belt (the Jhoon Rhee TKD system goes: White, Gold, Green, Purple, Blue, Red, Brown and Black), which I guess is halfway. I'm no Bruce Lee, but I can do some rudimentary techniques, and my sparring is a little above average (compared to those shorter, and more skilled people I've sparred with.) Looking back at the overall experience, I have to admit that it was mostly positive. I learned what it was like to work in the real world (something I do not want to repeat any time soon.) I also became a lot more independent, reflective, and (dare I say it) mature. Not that I frown upon Beavis and Butthead (God forbid!), I'm just more realistic about life, and my place in it: of which I still have not a clue.
On August 19th I made the torturous trip from Virginia to Syracuse. I had originally planned to rent a U-Haul trailer to attach to my car, but my car was giving me troubles. (It is now on its last legs. I have to coax it every morning to get it started, as well as throw it into neutral at every light to stop it from conking out. Sigh. I definitely need a new one, but of course that actually costs money, of which I have almost none, but we'll get to that later.) So instead of renting the trailer, I rented a small truck, and attached my car to the back of it. Scary picture, huh? It was a long, and uneventful ride, although I did almost eat a small red civic for lunch when I failed to see it when changing lanes (I heard with a little salt they are quite tasty.) Of course the torturous part was the actual packing and unpacking. My mother luckily came up to help me (or it obviously never would have been done.) I don't care to relive those torturous episodes. Suffice to say, I plan on never moving again. I'm going to permanently live at this address (at least until I can afford professional packers/movers. Which will be in about...err four of five years.)
My new apartment is a little less expensive (as well as a little less nice) than my last one. It is a one bedroom apartment, fully carpeted with a nice kitchen (complete with the essential dishwasher and garbage disposal.) My furniture fits nicely in here, and I have plenty of room. The elevators in the place are probably the oldest, slowest relics I've ever ridden in. But, for $497/month + utilities, it's not bad.
Orientation for law school was very crappy. It involved two full days of boring, tedious lectures and "group sessions." I didn't bother attending most of the second days activities. The $427 worth of textbooks was a very welcome surprise as well. Of course, this all ties in with my finances, or lack thereof. It seems, that during my 10 month hiatus in DC I only managed to amass about $3000. If you do the math, that's not a very large percent of my salary. Of the $3000 I barely have $2000 of it left now. My tuition is fully paid through scholarship, but that leaves me with housing, food, books, etc. to pay for. I've applied for a $10k loan for the first year, but that has not gone through yet. Since I of course procrastinated in sending out my loan application (the application was finally completed, oh let's see...yesterday?) I probably will not see any of that money for a couple of months. With rent, and food, I don't know if I'll last a couple of months. Therefore, we must pray that my car makes it that far, or at least that my credit card does not max-out till then. Sigh. (Sorry for all the numbers in this paragraph, I know how much they scare you English-type people. You can just skip them if they get a little beyond you.)
Of course I must have my paragraph dedicated to the enduring memory of Shannon. I've seen him a couple of times since I've gotten here. He is now truly an asshole. Not an asshole in the sense of being any different from what he was in college (personality-wise), but in his appearance to those who don't know him. His hair is a little beyond his shoulders now, he wear a pair of small oval sunglasses, he just bought an ankle length oil skin jacket (like the ones seen on Highlander: The Series, or Renegade--not that you'll have seen these shows, but just imagine.) and he's planning on getting both his ears pierced and two gold hoop earrings. Now, imagine Shannon walking down the street (remember size and shape of said subject) with these objects about his body. Asshole. He's very excited about starting his second year at Medical School (anyway...) His studying habits have truly declined, but he did manage to pass every class last year (the grading system is: honors, pass, fail, or something there about.) As for Scott (I know I'm including him in the Shannon-dedication paragraph, please forgive me), I'm afraid I haven't heard from him since I came up here to look for my apartment in the beginning of June. I just tried to call his old number, but it has been disconnected. So, hopefully the bum will call Shannon, or someone so we can get back in touch with him. Shannon also ran into Michael and Kristin in Binghamton. He said that Michael was kind of cold to him. I guess seeing Shannon got him to reminisce about what life could have been.
Now, on to my first week of Law School. The first couple of days were very interesting. The classes were all discussions, and the discussions were about interesting and controversial subjects. My first impression of the girls within my class was not a very good one. Although, I have reevaluated this appraisal, and it seems there are actually a couple of cute girls in almost everyone of my classes. One of my TA's is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. She's a 3Y, but oh-my-god is she gorgeous. My friends and I just sit in class at an appropriate angle to view her perfection, instead of listen to class. Sigh. But back to academic matters. As I see it now, the school does not seem to be too difficult. The reading material is a lot, but not unbearable, and none of it is too complicated for me to understand or decipher. Another plus is that a certain percentage of most of my classes seem to be completely clueless about everything (that percentage by my estimates is around 80%.) This all, of course, works in my favor. But, we'll see. It's only the first week of classes, and we have many weeks left. The fact that we are only given a final exam to test our work for the semester doesn't exactly warm my heart, but by then I should know where I stand. I've also looked into working on my MS in CS. I got the ball rolling yesterday, so we'll see where that goes.
My friends from Brooklyn and I went to a Renaissance Faire in PA my last couple of weeks in DC. We had a decent time, and got to go Amish hunting. I'm telling you this not to prove that I can actually do fun things or that I actually have friends from high school, but because of one of the weird notions they told me on the trip. They both decided that I was going to marry an Asian woman. Although I had dated one Asian woman, neither of them knew that. I just thought it was very weird. Not something I would have thought of about me, nor is it something that I think is true. But, I haven't asked the little window in my head, so for all I know, perhaps it is true' I just thought of the Asian-Lust-Monkey when they told me that.
I have finally added Braveheart to my video movie collection. I have definitely noticed a theme: all my movies have swords in them. Weird, huh' I'm still looking to buy the ultimate sword. The Renaissance Faire had a large collection, but none of them jumped out at me. When one does, I'm definitely going to get it. So, if you're willing to part with your wooden sword, please feel free to mail it along with your response to my letter here.
I think my pitiful life is drawing to a close. Not that I'm thinking of taking my head, just that I'm running out of things to tell you. I hope this letter finds you rich, happy and with a lovely Asian woman in your arms. Regrettably, this letter leaves me poor, unhappy and lacking any woman in my arms. Write back so I can once again vicariously live the life of a bloodsucking nightcrawler.
"What's the difference between a lawyer and a dead rat? The rat's dead." --Who knows, and who cares
(Excerpted from a letter I sent to Chuck.)
It's been a while since I've written anything that wasn't work related, so keep that in mind as you read through this drivel. As I was halfway through that last sentence, I went through my old letters to try to figure out when I had last written to you. Regrettably, the only letters I located were when we were exchanging real letters (I refuse to use the word "snail mail"). Once I found them, I felt obliged to read through them.
Now I remember why I love to write. Just reading through my problems--since it appears the only thing I spoke of in those letters was how horrible my life as--transported me back in time. The first letter I sent you was after I finished working the summer after graduation. The last was my first week of Law School. I'm not sure what happened after that, but I'll assume I somehow finished Law School because I'm now working as a lawyer. I do remember that first letter you sent me, which is still sitting in my letter pile. That was a weird time for me, and a rather exciting time for you. Your experiences presented a nice foil for me as I was thinking about my future. While I'm not I took the path less traveled, I do thank you for providing me with inspiration for the "what if" scenario.
Since I wasn't able to figure out how much I've told you, I figure I'll fill you in on the last year of my life. Ever since I started working, the measurement of time has become less and less important. In school, there were always bookends in life: winter break, holidays, summer vacation, etc. There was always something new to look forward to, like transforming from a junior to a senior or moving to the Hillside apartments (which came complete with a Vampire-friendly closet). But since I've started work, the bookends have been pushed farther and farther apart, and there are fewer boundaries in life. Weeks flow by, followed by months, and those months slowly transform into years before you have time to wipe your feet on the doormat. But, as I have a tendency to do, I digress. Back to how I got where I am.
The first eight months of working were the hardest for me. As you know, I'm working for a big law firm in the city. Looking back, those eight months were especially painful because they represented a change in my life. I went from always looking forward to the next step in life to seeing my next step as retirement fifty years hence. This thought depressed me to no end. At some point, however, I came to the realization that the real world is a necessary evil and it's better for me to come to terms with it. And that's exactly what I did. I put on a new "positive attitude" (which lasted a full three weeks) and started regarding work as not just an inherently bad thing. At this point, my workload increased, which also helped. During the early months of working at the firm, I barely had enough work to keep my occupied for the seven hours we're required to bill. It's quite depressing reading the Internet all day. Boredom inevitably gives way to deep and disturbing thoughts. Since then, work has been much better. There are days when (god forbid) I can say I actually enjoy working there. I have gone through another positive attitude (this time I called it my "happy attitude," and no, this has nothing to do with drugs; this is David we're talking about) and I'm rather comfortable at where I am now.
I think I've gone on enough about my inner workings. I'll fill you in on some more "real life" information. As a big time attorney, I do a mishmash of litigation, corporate work, and patent drafting. All these relate to Intellectual Property (which, in turn, relates to my Masters in Computer Engineering I received during law school). As usual, I do incredible work, albeit I usually procrastinate to the last minute, and continue to follow my minimalist ways by being efficient. In law firms, however, efficiency is not encouraged. Because the law firm economics revolve around the billable hour, the more work you do, the more the firm likes you. This system is in direct contrast to our ethical obligations (yes, attorneys do have ethical obligations) to represent our clients zealously and fairly. Any-whos, because of my efficiency, I don't believe the firm likes me as much as more inefficient (and therefore higher billing) attorneys. But I guess I can live with that. They still pay me an insane amount of money to work, and that I can definitely live with.
As of this letter, I'm currently reaching another of those diverging paths in my life. As part of my eight months of depression, I sent out my resumes to a number of headhunters. I have been speaking with a contact of one of these headhunters who has, in a roundabout way, offered me a job as an IP counsel to a division of Schlumberger, a French company, which provides technical support for the oil industry. I would be counsel for a Houston division of the company that designs computer programs that image collected seismic data and use this information to predict oil flow underground. I'm meeting with the contact on Friday for dinner to discuss this opportunity. I can write pages and pages about what I've been thinking and the pros and cons that are going into this decision, but I'll spare you this awful internal debate. Suffice to say, I'm seriously considering this opportunity, but at the same time, I have misgivings.
What would be the story of my life without a discussion of my relationships? As I was skimming through my earlier letters to you I saw a distinct pattern. I seemed to always bring up this topic, but I usually ended the discussion with an empty paragraph ending with, "enough said." While I'm tempted to do the same in this letter, I actually do have some things to report. I'm currently not involved with anyone, but I did have a serious relationship this year, as well as a number of dates and flings. Once again, the serious relationship was with another Asian woman (I blame you). The dates and flings have been with women of various nationalities and religions. I'm beginning to seriously look to the future and I'm hoping more and more to find that "right" woman. Although, when and IF that happens, I know all the other women would be terribly disappointed that such an eligible bachelor has fallen by the way side; it's a sacrifice that they must make for the betterment of mankind.
Shannon is still alive and ticking, and he keeps reminding me that he's going to end the world as soon as I find happiness (he is the bringer of the Apocalypse in case you were wondering). He finished Medical School and is now a doctor working in a hospital in Binghamton. He's doing a one-year residency, after which he plans on leaving the medical profession and working for a pharmaceutical company. He's not sure what he'll be doing, but he hates patients, the hours that doctors keep, and working in general.
While I have other things to report, I think I hit on all the major happenings of my life. Seeing as you're now distracting me by IM'ing me, I'll leave it at this. I hope we keep in touch a little more often now that you have a string modem.
Until next time you force me to write one of these things.
David S. Figatner, Esq.
Dear Karman,
How goes it? Long time no speak. Are you still trying to save the world one child at a time? I have big news from the home front—hang on to your weightlifter’s belt—I am no longer a big city lawyer. I have moved to Houston, Texas and have been transformed from city slicker to cowboy hat toting Southerner. Let me give you a little background to explain this better.
As you remember, I wasn’t a huge fan of the law firm. I dreaded getting up in the morning and I began hoping the elevator would crash on my way up to my office every morning—sick, huh. After eight months of drudgery, however, I began to get used to the whole work thing. I realized that although I despised the firm, a large part of my hatred was directed toward the whole idea of working for the rest of my life. I realized that there were lots of jobs that I could be doing that would be much worse, such as lifting heavy boxes.
While I came to terms with working, I wasn’t ready to accept that I was destined to work at a big Firm. I started looking for an in-house position. I told the headhunters that called (about three or four a day when the market was good) that I was not interested in going to another firm, but I was interested in going looking for an in-house position. For the most part, the headhunters would laugh, wipe the tears from their laughter, and tell me I was way too junior to go in-house, or tell me of positions that had no future.
One headhunter did call and tell me of a job in Houston, Texas that sounded somewhat interesting (at that point, anything that wasn’t a law firm was interesting. He asked if he could show my resume to the Houston guy. Seeing as I wasn’t having luck elsewhere, I figured why not. A number of headhunters had tempted me with possible positions, only to have them never call me back. The headhunter continued to call every month to tell me that the Houston guy was still interested, but he was too busy to set anything up. I would pretend to still be interested, and wonder why the headhunter was even bothering. After four months, the headhunter again called to tell me of the Houston guy’s interest. I again feigned interest, but this time he said the Houston guy was interested in setting up a phone interview. We had the phone interview. The Houston guy then flew down from London (it appears that he wasn’t much of a Houston guy, but was instead based out of London) to have a dinner interview with me. I then went to Houston to have a full interview with the company. The rest is history. After a two-month vacation, I started work on Monday.
I’m currently in Denver on my first business trip for the company. Oh, the company is called Schlumberger; it’s an oil-services company. I work for the Schlumberger in one of its joint ventures known as WesternGeco. I’m an I.P. attorney for the Houston office of WesternGeco. It’s weird. I’m the only I.P. attorney in the office and they ask me questions and actually want to hear what I say. Quite different from law firm life.
So, when you think of me now, you should think of me living in Houston, pretending to fit in. I haven’t actually met anyone here yet, but I figure part of that is because I’ve only been here for a week. I did buy a car and rent a nice apartment. Now I just have to get used to being a Southerner. I think that’ll take some time.
I’m sorry for being such a stranger over the past year or so. When I was working at the Firm, I had no energy to write e-mails. The Firm just sucked all creative juices from me. I’m hoping this new job (which so far I really like) will change that.
Talk to you soon,
David
Doug,
I read a DFW interview today (http://www.centerforbookculture.org/interviews/interview_wallace.html) that got me thinking about you. How are things going? I hope this is still your address. That is, unless you finally discovered what I discovered (and this is in no way influenced by my current employer, well, not strongly influenced): as soon as Apple became popular, it lost its luster. Isn't it funny how that works? Cool is synonymous with unique and uniqueness dies away when every other person buys Apple (at least an iPod if nothing else).
I'm still in Seattle working at Microsoft. I changed positions about a month ago. I was hired as a patent counsel, but the job scope was too narrow to hold my interest. The way I explained it (which should make sense to at least you) was that MS divided my WesternGeco job in half: I received the patent counseling work, and some other gal received the IP counseling work. The patent counseling consisted of managing the patent budget by divvying up cases between clients, overseeing OC as they drafted and prosecuted the patent applications, counseling on patent conflicts (MS receives many letters alleging patent infringement), and working as second chair with my other half on patent-related licensing deals. The problem with the patent counseling side was that I felt I was always taking from my clients and never giving anything back: I nagged developers to write patent disclosures, I nagged executives to accept patent opinions, I nagged managers to review the patent budgets. While MS received the benefit of patents, my clients didn't directly benefit from those patents (besides the fact that software patents take five years to issue, MS doesn't do much with its patents, as most large companies don't, regrettably).
The IP counseling job offered the other half of the exchange: providing general and IP-specific legal advice, contract negotiations, settlement work, etc., all of which benefited the client's bottom line. Another reason, I'm afraid to admit, was that I was beginning to doubt the benefits of the current patent system, especially as it related to software. The incentives seemed off, and the patents that won million dollar patent lawsuits seemed trivial. So, when that other gal decided to leave, she convinced me to apply for her job. I now work closer with the clients and provide greater benefits (at least as I see it), and I don't have to dirty my hands with the filing of questionable patents. While I usually enjoy patent work, MS's focus on obtaining large numbers of patents (mostly to build up chips for the cross-licensing negotiations, which is not a bad strategy), was a bit discerning. I felt too much like an easily replaceable peg in a large wheel.
Of course, another part of my desire to change jobs was my interest level. I'm not sure how you feel about this, but unless I have constant intellectual challenges, I grow stagnant. I want to learn new things either from really smart people, or through necessary research to solve a difficult problem. While there are plenty of smart people on the business and technical side at MS, the lawyers are, well, ordinary; ordinary in that they're good lawyers, well educated, relatively intelligent, but they tend not to push the law or search for novel solutions--something I greatly respected you for doing. The senior legal managers, in particular, remind me much of Gary Wilson. Most of them are smarter than him, but they share his political ways and his ability to say absolutely nothing with many, many words. Their decisions, while usually sound, tend to be on the conservative and easy side. Unlike WG (one of the better management decisions in SLB), I work directly for the lawyers and not the clients. While this has only a small impact on my work, it does distance me from the smarter technical and business clients. As I stay on longer and develop more relationships, that will hopefully fade away.
All in all, my first year at MS has been fun. I love the technology, the market (for me, all of MS's business markets are incredibly exciting: the internet competition between MS, Yahoo, and Google; the game console competition between MS, Sony, and Nintendo; and the OS competition between MS, Linux (or *nix), and Apple, to name the big ones), and playing with the beta software--the new MS Word is very nice, as is the new Internet Explorer. The corporate campus is very large with lots of people to meet (not that I meet many of them, but, you know, it's available if I wanted to). Seattle is an interesting place to live. While it doesn't have the energy of NYC (not that anyplace does), it has good culture and a personality (which Houston lacked).
In other news, Julie and I are now engaged. I asked her on June 7 of this year and she accepted. She's in the last six months of her residency in Newport Beach, CA, and will move to Seattle in July to start a fellowship in Geriatrics. She's a wonderful girl and a great fit for me. I needed someone grounding, intelligent, and understanding, and I've yet to meet anyone more positive or compassionate--who, at the same time, manages to still accomplish stuff--than Julie. Our plan is to marry in either December 2006 or early 2007 in NYC. She's begun the process of converting to Judaism, which was very important for me (and my family). At Julie's urgings, I developed an engagement site: http://juliemarriesdavid.com. I know it's cheesy, but sometimes you have to give in. I'll need your physical address to send an invitation later in the year (not that I expect you to attend--I would love it if you could but I understand that you're a busy globe-trotting guy).
I still write fiction but nothing I'm proud of yet. I'm not sure I'll ever accomplish anything of note in that area, but I keep at it and hope for the best. I try not to get discouraged when I read DFW or other great authors, but it is difficult. I'm not terribly prolific, and I tend to only have short bursts of creative energy--around 1,500 words or so worth--followed by post-coital depressed feelings. It's very weird how it works. I keep plodding away, however. If it wasn't difficult, it wouldn't be worthwhile. I've written a few short stories and two terrible novellas (neither of which I've edited or plan on editing).
The last I heard about you was from a prospective employer. He sounded as if he planned to offer you the job, so you might be lawyer-ing again. I think that's a very good thing, by the way. As I've told you before, you are one of my most brilliant people I've ever worked with, and to see you not working was difficult.
I hope this letter finds you and finds you well. If you get a chance, write back and let me know how you're doing. If you're ever in the Northwest, drop me a line. I know some good restaurants--regrettably not Fogo de Chao good: I figure if there isn't a strategy to eating, what fun is there?--but decent nonetheless.
Kindest regards,
David