I've been thinking about this essay. In retrospect, I don't think I should have submitted it. I do think it's well written and poignant, but I don't think it's appropriate for a law school admissions essay. I guess I live and learn. I don't regret ending up in Syracuse--it enabled me to receive a master's degree while going to law school. But if I had to do it again, I would have submitted an essay that pandered to what the admission committee members were probably looking for. My cousins, Lois and Marshall, made such a comment when I gave them the essay to review. So much for listening to the opinions of others. Here it is, anyway, in all its glory:
The blue wind gave way to the cascade of dreams as time stood still flowing through the pathways of night. Memories began to pull against the strands of reality, remembering all that was lost, all that was not yet found. Memories are ethereal, unforgiving, flighty, and yet they are all that we have to know, to understand what we have.
Through the progression of time known as aging, we are given the opportunity to know certain people. To understand a person is a very complicated process of deciphering and breaking down the many walls that make up the person’s costume. But, perhaps the hardest step of this process is in breaking down your own wall. It is in this own self-awareness that a person can begin to mature and grow.
This step happened for me many years ago, at the time of my bar mitzvah — the religious ceremony that proclaimed me a man. It was not this lavish affair that opened me up to the world, but what happened after the affair. My father had been diagnosed with an inoperable form of cancer several years before my bar mitzvah, and it had progressively been getting worse. He died a few months after my bar mitzvah in his bed at our home in Brooklyn.
I had just awakened when I heard commotion outside my closed door. The only sound I can still remember is the humming of the EMS’s walkie-talkie. My mother and sisters came in and told me. They held me as I cried. My mother kept telling me that it was only the shell of my father that had died, that his soul would always live, and that soul would always be with us. But it was this realization of his death, of mortality that was the key that unlocked my own self-awareness.
I read many books while sitting Shivah, the Jewish time of mourning. I began to see things I had never known existed within me and inside the world. It was through this tragic happening that I was able for the first time to understand myself and my existence. The very fact that I did exist had never dawned on me before this. Self-awareness came upon me as a meteor upon the moon, leaving an unexpected and permanent mark. The meteor’s collision resulting from the very pull of my own gravity, leaving a depression upon my surface which changed my entire outlook, my entire life.
The world became clearer during this time, all knowledge was within reach. Many memories came back to me; I relived each of them with a new found awareness. The day my grandfather died I remembered my father sitting down my sisters and me for a discussion of death. He showed us his watch, and pointed out the second hand explaining how this hand measured the time and span of everyone’s life. The length of each life was tied to the tick of each second. I became acutely aware of this tick, of the meaning that I had to find for my own life.
The most notable change in my personality was a new found confidence, and passion for debate. It is only through this mental contest that awareness can be heightened and knowledge gained. Self-awareness gave me this ability to move forward, to question everything from the existence of god, to the physics of time. It propelled me forward through my college career and through my studies of computer science and philosophy. Eventually leading me to pursue a degree in law, in which my passion for knowledge and pursuit of wisdom can find fertile ground in which to grow.
It was this blue wind of change that allowed me to develop as a person; the first major meteorite impact on a surface that I was to learn was mine. Since that time many new impact sights can be found, and I am sure that the brilliance of my oceans will outshine that of the moon’s. I have found that it is only through the continuous struggle and wounding of life that a person can grow to understand the world, to understand life, and most importantly to understand oneself. It is this gift of self-awareness for which I thank my father. His memory lives within me, and I watch each tick of the clock with a new-found respect for the person that he was, but most importantly, that I am.
This has been an interesting few weeks. Together with the Oslo job offer, I’ve been reconsidering my life. Today is Yom Kippur, and I’ve taken the day off to do additional contemplation. I have a few choices in front of me, and I’m trying to determine what, if anything, I should be doing with my life to make myself happier.
As a side note, should happiness be the measure you use to make your decision? As you’ve read in a few articles happiness is not a good measurement because it is a terribly relevant calculation. There is no empirical happiness. Something may make you happier for a short time and then fall into background noise. You have to be careful. This is generalized by the cliché, “The grass is always greener in the neighbor’s yard.” In your calculations, you need to keep this in mind. The right answer doesn’t, perhaps, maximize happiness. It maximizes purpose. The goal being, when you look back, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something that is important to you. That reflection would increase happiness regardless of how you feel about what it is you’re actually doing. Or something like that.
That was a bit off topic. So will this be: I’ve given up computer games thanks to a rather insightful discussion I had a while ago with my yellow pad about its meaning to me. I’ve done it before, but I think it’s time to do it again: this time, I need to give up television. I pretend like I learn a lot from television, but for the most part, I don’t. You can apply this to everything you do, even reading. Let’s focus on a comparison between reading and television watching. Out of the two, the NY Times magazine articles clearly teach me more about the world than any show on television. The same can be said about Scientific America versus the Discovery channel. Perhaps the only channel that I receive benefit from is FoodTV when it comes to learning. When it comes to entertainment, there’s certainly a difference. Television (and to a lesser extent) literature can move me—make me feel emotions, which I like. And both can certainly pass the time. As I learned by trying to listen to music, passing time is not the same as enjoying time.
So what is it that television is giving you besides killing time? Not much. Even the entertainment shows equate to killing time. The numbers of discussions about television I have with other people are not substantial. I have interesting conversations with Eileen about them, but I can find other things to discuss with her besides television. The only thing keeping from the ultimate decision is figuring out what I’m going to do with the rest of my free time. That was my problem yesterday night. I was sitting around trying to determine what I can do besides watch television. And, not surprisingly, I found nothing to do. I ended up at the same place: having nothing to do so I turned on the television. That’s what I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to avoid.
So boredom, or ennui to use a GRE word, is what’s keeping me scotch taped to the tube. I could think and write instead of watch television. What would I write or think about? Great question. It’s a habit you should get into. Or you can even work instead of watch television. Television is the same as music and video games: you use it to kill time. But time is too precious to kill. It’s not something you be wasting. Every second should be valuable. I’m not sure what it should be valuable for, but it seems important. You should be either increasing your knowledge or generating a product during your time. What about entertainment? That entertains you. A product might be improving yourself, e.g., going to the gym. So where does that leave you with television? What about movies and sports? Neither is useful.
I should be reading and recording my thoughts. I can use TheBrain or StickyBrain. I should be reading and recording my thoughts, becoming a better person. For what purpose is this? Entertainment purpose. This is what you enjoy. You enjoy doing things, not just sitting around. You enjoy using your brain. These are all things you can use your brain for. What about staring into space and sleeping? No reason to deny you those pleasures. It’s a good time for your brain to come up with new ideas. You should have lots of books open in front of you to different areas. You should be taking in new knowledge, increasing your store. This will give you something to do besides watch television. You will actually be doing things.
What about school? What are your feelings on school? Besides becoming a more “cultured” person, don’t you also want to actually meet new people? I ran into Tamer in Starbucks while writing this, and he told me a story of picking up girls in NYC. How many girls have you picked up there? I think one, and I did a shitty job of it. She was all over me on the train coming from upstate to the city, and what did you do? Nothing. Bullshit, crap, loser type of things. You are rather pathetic. Okay, let’s get back to reality. You can type and learn and read. What are you interested in? History? You have that big history book at home. Take it out and start working it. Why do you waste your time doing anything but what interests you? It’s really sad.
Going back to school: is that what you really want to do? I want to be more cultured. I want time to think about what it is I want to do. What better time than in school? I’m not going to have the time while working in law. Why not? Don’t you have the time now? Yes, I guess I do. But I also want to be immersed in the environment. I want to have nothing but learning and thinking. I want to think and think. What about spirituality? Sure! Why not? You’re not going to limit yourself to just what you’re studying. You have access (or will have access) to a great library. Why not take advantage of this? Write! Keep your thoughts organized. You will fall upon what you love. How can you not? It’s just not possible in the grand scheme of things.
Going to computer science is an interesting approach. But you are more of a Renaissance person (yeah right!). You should take advantage of that. You should expand your horizons, learn about lots of things. Keep track of what’s going on in the world and what has happened before. Imagine doing this every day for the rest of your life. You’d never be bored. You’d work out a system of recording knowledge and new knowledge. It’s not about the characterizing (which is something you love)—if you get stuck just doing that, then bad things will happen. You will find yourself endlessly reorganizing your old thoughts, or even worse, other people’s thoughts, but never coming up with new thoughts. That you should not do. You should keep thinking of both old and new things. If you limit yourself, you won’t be happy. Think of how happy this will make you. Why not do this? Religion? Absolutely. You’ll read books on that. And you’ll take detailed notes of topics that interest you. And besides the notes, you’ll also take notes on your thoughts. That’s where this is interesting. You want those two things to be the same. Your thoughts and others.
How are you going to do this? You’re not going to watch television. Only important news events will entertain you. Or if you’re with someone, then you can watch television. What about your taped show? Wasteful. Even Ruroni Kenshin? Even that. You know what’s going to happen. You can wait for the movie version of it.
What are you waiting for? Why not get started? I have a history book that will start. I will not watch television. I will reread some religious books, and I’m going to order some computer science books. I’m also going to finish studying for the GRE. And all will be good.
This is good stuff.
Man, I can’t wait until I can get started on this. You notice how much shorter this is than your other paragraphs. It sounds like you know what’s going on here. The question is whether you will be able to actually follow through with this plan.
Another interesting aside: I watched too many hours of Cribs, the MTV show that portrayed how “rich” people live. And, to the person, everyone had the same cars, the same interior decorations and the same toys.
This was my first attempt at an admission essay for graduate school. It was written with feeling and honesty (if that's worth anything). Of course, I didn't submit this one. Here's the one I submitted.
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I used to live by a minimalist philosophy. I was not a minimalist in the ascetic (proof that the GRE studying was good at least for something) sense; I enjoyed material possessions and gorged myself on life’s pleasures. Instead, I lived by a minimalist work ethic: I did the minimal amount of work that translated into the greatest reward.
I went through life choosing paths that provided little resistance, foregoing risks for easy opportunities. Regrettably, this haphazard approach has served me rather well for the past decade. I now work in a comfortable job making a comfortable living with comfortable future opportunities. While continuing along this well-trodden path would probably lead me to—how should I say this— a comfortable life, I find myself asking questions about what I’m doing; questions that I can’t answer comfortably.
I’ve come to realize that the only way for me to find satisfaction is to pursue challenges that I am passionate about. Passion has never been a criterion in my life’s choices. I am where I am today because life had laid out a rather easy to follow path that was littered with success and money. Following that path has not, as I thought it would, brought me satisfaction.
This is not to say that I regret any of my choices. I have had wonderful opportunities to study and learn about law, intellectual property, general business, management, supercomputers, seismic data processing, distributed computing, and oil field technologies; to travel abroad to strange and exotic places and interact with different cultures; and to meet and work with incredibly knowledgeable and gifted people. It is because of all of this that I am who I am today.
A little about me: I am your average self-taught computer programmer from the 1980s. My parents bought me my first computer, a 16k Color Computer II, from Radio Shack. While the rest of my family ignored the contraption attached to our television screen, I became enamored. I spent the better part of my youth programming computers, first in BASIC, and then Pascal.
I continued to pursue computer science in college, learning C++, how to structure my computer programs, and the theory behind the hardware and software that executed the programs. While attending to my humanities requirements, I found that I also had a talent and fondness for philosophy. Philosophy was similar to computer science in the logical structure in which the arguments were evaluated. While computer science allowed me to study the underpinnings of a manifestation of a logical world, philosophy allowed me to study the metaphysics of that logic. Both inputs and outputs attracted me: the programs and theory in computer science and the writings in philosophy.
It was after I graduated that I felt the pull of the well-trodden path. I decided to fulfill my mother’s dreams and applied to law school. I swore by the idiom, “When in doubt, go to law school.” (And at the time, I had terrible doubts about everything.) It was clear from my first course that I was well suited for law. The unnatural combination of the communication skills of philosophy and the organization and logic skills of computer science fit naturally into the law school curriculum. I graduated first in my law school class. But the entire time I was looking around me at the people who studied harder, who cared more, and I couldn’t erase the doubts that had brought me to law school in the first place.
While at law school, I had the opportunity to pursue a dual degree. Syracuse offered a wonderful program that allowed certain credits necessary for the law degree to be taken outside of the law school. I once again decided to pursue computer science, applying for, and eventually receiving, a master’s degree in computer engineering during my three-years at law school. The computer science classes I took became an escape for me. I found solace in the challenges they presented and in the opportunities to continue programming and to learn about new technologies and theories.
I worked at law firm in New York City practicing patent law after I graduated and quickly became bored. After a year and a half, I left the law firm and joined Schlumberger as an Intellectual Property Counsel, working in Houston, Texas for WesternGeco, a seismic company partly owned by Schlumberger. I have since been promoted to Intellectual Property Counsel for the entire WesternGeco organization, a company with revenue of $1.5 billion. This type of promotion at my age and experience level is unheard of in the Schlumberger organization (and in most of the corporate world).
But it should be clear now that while I’m appreciative of the opportunities I’ve received as a lawyer, for my personal growth, I need more. I need challenges that only my passion for technology can create. This is why I have come before you today: I wanted you to understand where my desire to study comes from.
Choosing my focus area has been much easier than coming to the decision to return to the academic world. I have long been fascinated by artificial intelligence. My first exposure to it was in high school, when I worked on a senior project to teach a computer how to play the game of dots using programmed conditional-learning techniques. In college, my final project was to design and implement a basic neural network that distinguished alphanumeric digits. Ever since then, I’ve watched in anticipation (and a bit of disappointment) the development of this field.
Over the last year, I have been reintroducing myself to these technologies. What excites me now is the opportunity to use these artificial intelligence techniques for better human-knowledge management. I will use law as an example: the field of law has been using an extensive knowledge management system for many years. The system started as a basic search engine and has since evolved into a labor-intensive categorization tool, which organizes case law, statutes, and scholarly articles. While these databases are powerful tools, it is still at an early stage of development. This is similar to the web page searches of today. These tools are becoming more powerful as heuristic and AI-techniques are applied. ***MORE SHIT***
Ever since I started college, I have wanted to research and teach in a university. My application for a PhD is the first step in that quest. ***BLAH BLAH BLAH***
This was my admission essay that I submitted in an attempt at admissions to graduate school for a PhD in computer science. I don't remember exactly when it was finished, but it went through a number of drafts. And, yes, I know it's pandering. Trust me, it makes me as sick as it makes you. Here's the original.
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I plan to pursue studies and research in human-computer interface, particularly in improving the way humans interface with representations of large amounts of information. My schooling and career choices have prepared me well for this research. While my decision to return to school was difficult, I believe it is now the right time for me to continue my computer science studies.
Computers have played an important role in my life. When I was 7-years old, my father bought a 16k Color Computer II from Radio Shack. While the rest of my family ignored the contraption attached to the television, I became enamored, spending the better part of my youth programming. I continued this pursuit in college, studying computer science. At the same time, I became captivated by philosophy. The overlapping inputs and outputs of these two areas attracted me: the programs and theories of computer science and the writings and theories of philosophy. After spending a year as a computer programmer for an accounting firm, I left for law school. It was clear from my first course that I was well suited for law. The unnatural combination of the logic skills from my computer science studies and the communication skills from my philosophy studies fit perfectly into the curriculum: I graduated first in my law school class.
As I had done in college, I pursued a dual degree at law school, receiving a master's degree in computer engineering. I found solace in the challenges the computer science classes presented and in the opportunities to continue programming and learn about new theories, especially formal logic and advanced automata.
I worked at a law firm in New York City practicing patent law after I graduated and quickly became bored. After two years, I left the law firm and joined Schlumberger's seismic company. I have since been promoted and now manage the intellectual property for the entire seismic organization, a company with revenue of $1.5 billion. This type of promotion at my experience level is remarkable.
It was during a project for Schlumberger that my passion for computer science reignited. I was asked to design a way to assess and display intellectual property information for Schlumberger’s technology. After doing an exhaustive search for a way to display this vast amount of information, I was disappointed at what I found. The computer, for all its advances, had not moved much beyond bar charts and hyperlinks. I implemented the project, but I was never satisfied with the presentation. There had to be a better way and I became interested in finding it.
I return to study computer science with new skills and focus. My legal career and studies have taught me how laws interact with technology, and the value of research and effective communication. I believe my novel skills and understandings make me an ideal candidate for graduate studies in the field of computer science.